I Don’t Know What To Say

I don’t know how to start this, I don’t know what to title this and I just don’t know where this is going to go.  George Floyd.  The death of this man, the events that transpired are unacceptable and completely avoidable.  There are so many other words and thoughts but it’s SO hard to write it down in a way that makes sense.  I don’t want to remain silent but I also don’t know what to say.

Tonight I was tagged in an Instagram story “don’t break the chain”.  I am ready to spread awareness, but it just is so much bigger then an instagram story.  I really need to get my thoughts out in the open.  I grew up and have lived my whole life in San Diego.    I’m not going to try and pretend I even understand racism.  I was raised with the mindset where everyone knew racism was bad and the color of your skin doesn’t define your worth.  The fact that there are people in the world that are raised otherwise is honestly crazy.  I’m not trying to say that I don’t believe it, or that I am blissfully unaware, because I’m not.  I am saying, that with my upbringing it is becoming harder and harder to comprehend why these tragic and terrible events keep transpiring.

I feel uneducated, and I feel unworthy of even talking about this issue.  I’m not white but I might as well be.  I grew up comfortable and like I said, have never experienced or witnessed true racism in my life. I am SO fortunate for this, and I thank my parents and my community for allowing me to grow up in a way where racism seemed like a distant issue.

As an adult, as a future mother it infuriates me to see that racism isn’t just in history books and that it still is a very real issue today.  I am frustrated with myself as I still can’t even comprehend the magnitude of how it effects every day life for some… I feel so far removed.  I don’t really know the purpose of this post but I think it’s important to speak up about these types of things.  It pains me to see the riots, it pains me to see the hurt people go through daily.  The world is such a f*cked up place and it sucks that there are so many individuals who just keep f*cking it up.

I truly believe that change needs to start at the individual level.  As an individual, use your voice and your rights to spread love and equality.  Use your actions to teach people, teach your family, your friends, your community, your future children.  Hopefully one day this outdated, absolutely absurd way of thinking will die out.  Until then, voice your truth, talk about the things that aren’t easy to talk about and speak out against the wrongs you witness in the world.

I don’t really know how to end this… I don’t really know what else to say.  I still have so many thought whizzing through my brain.

*Feature photo artwork by Danielle Coke

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